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Jay: Morning Benders, jump in the minge mobile.Will: Strange thing to call your mums car.Simon: Hang on, have you had the left ear pierced?Jay: YesSimon: Aint that the one you get pierced to show you're gay?Jay: FUCK OFFNeil: Oh yeah that is the gay oneJay: Well there's a quick way to tell Neil, which ear's your dad got pierced?Neil: Neither cos he's not bent!Simon: Course notJay: You? Who wants a model that looks like a spotty baby crossed with the Statue of Liberty?Jay: Oh, I'm gonna have to go, got a missed call from Ralph Lauren.Jay: Alright Yves Saint Leponce what's going on here then?Simon: Neil's getting me in shit.Neil: They've put a curtain up so we can't see the clunge, it'stotally sexistJay: Ahh the craft fuckers, they tried this when we did the school play, we just cut a hole in the curtain and stuck our knobs through it, it was well horny, we was getting noshed off in between scenes.Jay: Oh well done you've mastered walking like a knob and looking like a dick at the same time.Simon: This is actually enjoyable, in a 'I'm shitting myself' kind of wayNeil: If you've shit yourself in them trousers I aint touching themSimon: Of course I haven'tNeil: You walk like you haveWill: Bit over dramatic, it's only a bollockJay: Alright gays?Neil: How's your ear Jay?Jay: Perfect, that's why I've got to wear this massive bandage.Neil: Oh, I suppose that's your modelling career fucked then.Will: He never had a modelling career!Jay: Yeah but I'm not bothered, cos I fucked the nurse that looked after me.Will: The St. Johns Ambulance lady?Jay: Yes!Simon: Isn't she Warren Duncan's nan?Jay: No there was another one who looked like Lucy Pinder.Will: Course there was.Jay: So I had one bent over the table here, there was one up here who I was fingering and I was just toe fucking the one on the floor.Will: So when do we get to meet these lucky ladies?Jay: You can't, they've gone back to the playboy mansion.Neil: Jay was telling us about them birds he pulled in Norfolk.Jays Dad: Oh right was he?Jay: Yeah, you remember them, right dad?Jays Dad: Well he's a total bullshitter then, cos the only pussy he's ever touched was his mums when he fell out of it.Jay: When I say I'm gonna deliver, I fucking deliver.Will: Like a postman with Tourettes?Will: A few years ago i went to see King Kong at the cinema, now I'm on a date with her!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Simon: Its YOUR spunk!!Neil: but it's YOUR car!Simon: What...so if I spunked in your face it would be yours?Will: No one would get fingered for a bet Jay... with the possible exception of your sister.Jay: Take that backWill: You're right I do take that back, on the other hand your mum would probably get fingered for a packet of biscuits.Simon: You wet the bed when you were 10Jay: Yeah I wet your mums bed...with my spunkJay: Have you had a wank over Will's mum?Will: Please don't have a wank over my mum!Neil: I can't pronmise that, Will.Jay: While you've been at home wanking over Carly all summer... i've been out porkin' loads of vadge!Will: Oh piss offNeils Dad: dont talk to me like that in my own house!Will: oh sorry, my manners, piss off PLEASE!!Neils Dad: i've had enough of your lipWill: oh you'd like my lip wouldnt you, right round your bell end! if Mr Chippy doesnt get there first! Whats he gunna knock up, a closet for you to hide in!? you BUMDER!!Jay: Where've you been? Wankin' over your mum's bras?Will: Well seeing as she's my mum, probably notJay: Well can I have them then?Jays Dad: I know what you're up to, you think cos shes sooo massive, she'll count as 2 shags, well she doesnt!Will: What you lookin at?Jay: Your mumWill: Doesnt look anything like my mumJay: But that is her snatch though!Simon's mum: Just because Kevin's gay, doesn't mean he's a paedophile!Kevin: I'm not a paedophile!Neil: My Dad's not gay!Jay: Well...let's look at the evidence...1) your mum left him because he loves! cock.Simon's Dad: Your've had an eventful day bunking off school, buying alchol illegally, defacing carly's drive and insulting Neil's dad, have i missed anything?"Will: We also hit a spastic with a frispyJay: I'm gonna go find that yummy mummy who wants me to spunk on her tummy.Jay: You lot can stay here and finger Neil's arse but i'm off to find some clunge.Neil: He rubbed my legsJay: That's what you get for leading on Peados you slut!Jay: She's probably just got an old face, must be cos of all the jizz she's had on itOld Lady: What can I get you?Jay: Cornetto pleaseOld Lady: One cornetto, is that all?Jay: Do you want to lick it?Old Lady: Sorry?Jay: My Cornetto, do you want to lick it?Old Lady: Oh that is kind, I've had enough Ice Cream today though sweetheartJay: Oh right, bit late am I?Old Lady: Do you want something else?Jay: Are you the woman who sucks school boys off?Old Lady: Sorry?Jay: Can you suck me off?Neil: Oh go on I love boats, I used to go fishing with my dad.Jay: Fisting?Neil: FISHING!Neil: Just who is this Duke of Edinburgh, does he teach it?Jay: No, of course he doesn't teach it you fucking idiot, the Duke of Edinburgh is Prince Charles.Will: Umm, No he isn't, it's his dadNeil: King Phillip?Will: No, I mean, that IS the Duke of Edinburgh you're thinking of, but he's not the kingNeil: But he fucks the Queen thoughJay: Probably up the arseWill: LOOK, do you wanna sign up or not?Jay: You've gotta be fucking joking, there's no way i'm gonna get bummed by some royal bloke on a mountainNeil: Yeah fuck it i'm inWill: Your dad's moved out?Simon: It's no biggie, they've not been getting on lately so he's moved out for a few weeks while they sort stuff outJay: What like her face? It's gonna take more than a few weeks to sort that mess outWill: I went to fart and instead, shit myselfSimon: No-one brings a bag of shit to a pubJay: Your dad doesSimon: Does he?Jay: Yeah, your mumWill: Alright you big poof? Where's your bit then? I thought you'd be having it up to your nuts in gutsJay: Nah, I had to er, I had to give her the bootWill: Did you? I thought you were really into herJay: Nah, she was like frigid, and she wouldn't have this threesome even though I organised it with a top lezzer model, and (sobbing) my cock was too big for herJay: At least they wont call you briefcase mong anymoreWill: Oh well that's goodJay: No, they'll call you shit pants mongNeil: Or Shitty Shitty Bang BangWill: Any more?Simon: Wayne Pooney, Take ShatNeil: Dr PooJay: The Lion the Witch and the speccy kid who shit himselfSimon: We can keep this up all summer you knowWill: Brilliant looking forward to itSimon: Brad ShitJay: Bumlog MillionaireWill: Alright!Simon: How about Vladimir PootinNeil: Who?Simon: I don't know if my dad will let me go anywayJay: What's it got to do with your dad?Simon: He's paying for my car, he might not let me do long journeys yetJay: Surely he'll want you to get sucked off by a little lovely on the T-Cup rideWill: This is perfect, Simon passes his test, drives us to Thorpe Park, Neil gets us freebies, and I get to ride...Jay: A man's cock in the bushesWill: ...The Nemesis Inferno!Simon: Yeah well i'm the only one who can drive so you can fuck off!Jay: I can drive, I took an army driving course when I was 10Simon: Bollocks! You still wet the bed when you were 10Jay: Yeah, I wet your mums bed, with my spunkJay: Fuck that! Look you lot can stay here and finger Neils arse if you wanna but i'm off to find the clunge.Jay: I've just seen the clunge head towards NemesisWill: Well sounds like they are thrill seekers tooJay: Oh I hope they are cock seekers too!Jays Dad: "What's he gonna do with that, it's like a McDonalds chip"Jay: I’d fuck her, right up the bum hole.Will: Lucky girl.Simon: Yeah, that’s right, I’ve had 210 wanks and my cocks like a pepperami!!Neil: Are we gonna have to swim back?Simon: It's very cold in there.Jay: Just row back, on holiday in Spain one year me and my mate took a pedalo out and went to Africa.Will: Do you think you can spare us the bullshit, for one minute, while I try to figure out how not to die at sea.
Seriously, Extras: if you've ever had a social 'Third Wheel' you'll love this - http://youtu.be/vjF_kthYmowAnd, Green Wing: PLEASE WATCH AND ENJOYhttp://youtu.be/VBq7CTWz4jE
The BBC has today released further details about the upcoming fourth series of its hit satirical political comedy series The Thick Of It, which is returning to TV after a break of nearly three years.The new series, which will consist of seven 30-minute episodes, will broadcast on BBC Two this autumn. Creator Armando Iannucci has hinted that it will be set against the backdrop of a major political inquiry - a reference to the real-life circumstances of the Leveson Inquiry into the press.In a statement, the BBC said: "Government embarrassment, ministerial cock-up, coalition rows, backroom deals, policy U-turns, spin-doctoring, political back-stabbing, wild media speculation, and more time spent with one's family, it can only be the eagerly anticipated return of The Thick Of It."As the last series was broadcast under Gordon Brown's Labour administration in the autumn of 2009, viewers can expect to see a number of changes. The characters of Nicola Murray MP and foul-mouthed spin doctor Malcolm Tucker, in roles reprised by the BAFTA winners Rebecca Front and Peter Capaldi respectively, are still in the show - but are now 'consigned to Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition'. Series 4 will see the duo desperately hoping for a return to power.The show will also see the return of hapless civil servants Oliver Reeder (Chris Addison), Terri Coverley (Joanna Scanlan) and Glenn Cullen (James Smith) - the trio still struggling to keep the press from realising what a mess their department is behind-the-scenes.In a set-up to closely mirror the UK's current real-life political scene, the series will also see a fictional coalition government in power. Peter Mannion (played by Roger Allam) is the new Secretary of State for The Department of Social Affairs and Citizenship (DOSAC), supported by his team of special advisors commanded by Number 10's Director of Communications Stewart Pearson (Vincent Franklin). Mannion will find many of his plans thwarted by his new coalition partner, DOSAC's Junior Minister Fergus Williams MP (Geoffrey Streatfeild).Many of the other supporting characters are also set to reappear, with the cast list also including Will Smith, Ben Willbond and Miles Jupp.The seven episodes are again a combination of scripted scenes and improvisation. The show's writing team for Series 4 includes Tony Roche, Simon Blackwell, Ian Martin, Will Smith, Roger Drew and Sean Gray.Creator Armando Iannucci says: "This series takes The Thick Of It into exciting and uncharted territory: a new coalition Government, and Malcolm and Nicola fretting in the wings. For the first time too a storyline takes us all the way through the series right to the bitter, bitter end, with Government and Opposition convulsed in an incident that questions every political convention imaginable, but in a funny way."BBC Two Controller Janice Hadlow comments: "I am delighted to welcome The Thick Of It back to BBC Two. It is an essential part of the BBC Two comedy offering this year. A new coalition Government, what better time for a new series of The Thick Of It."Mark Freeland, the BBC's Head of Comedy, adds: "I'm excited to see The Thick Of It return to our screens. With an outstanding cast and team, it is still at the bleeding edge of British politics, one of the freshest and most biting satires you'll find on TV. No other show could coin the term 'Omnishambles' and see it become part of the political lexicon."Scheduling details have not been announced, but the series is expected to begin transmission in September.
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