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Author Topic: British comedy.  (Read 11205 times)

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jplpool

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #45 on: May 28, 2012, 11:59:04 PM »
Just finished watching all 3 seasons of The Inbetweeners. It's slightly juvenile, but it's fuckin hilarious.

Multiple unrelated quotes will now follow.......

Quote
Jay: Morning Benders, jump in the minge mobile.
Will: Strange thing to call your mums car.

Simon: Hang on, have you had the left ear pierced?
Jay: Yes
Simon: Aint that the one you get pierced to show you're gay?
Jay: FUCK OFF
Neil: Oh yeah that is the gay one
Jay: Well there's a quick way to tell Neil, which ear's your dad got pierced?
Neil: Neither cos he's not bent!
Simon: Course not

Jay: You? Who wants a model that looks like a spotty baby crossed with the Statue of Liberty?

Jay: Oh, I'm gonna have to go, got a missed call from Ralph Lauren.

Jay: Alright Yves Saint Leponce what's going on here then?
Simon: Neil's getting me in shit.
Neil: They've put a curtain up so we can't see the clunge, it'stotally sexist
Jay: Ahh the craft fuckers, they tried this when we did the school play, we just cut a hole in the curtain and stuck our knobs through it, it was well horny, we was getting noshed off in between scenes.

Jay: Oh well done you've mastered walking like a knob and looking like a dick at the same time.
Simon: This is actually enjoyable, in a 'I'm shitting myself' kind of way
Neil: If you've shit yourself in them trousers I aint touching them
Simon: Of course I haven't
Neil: You walk like you have

Will: Bit over dramatic, it's only a bollock

Jay: Alright gays?
Neil: How's your ear Jay?
Jay: Perfect, that's why I've got to wear this massive bandage.
Neil: Oh, I suppose that's your modelling career fucked then.
Will: He never had a modelling career!
Jay: Yeah but I'm not bothered, cos I fucked the nurse that looked after me.
Will: The St. Johns Ambulance lady?
Jay: Yes!
Simon: Isn't she Warren Duncan's nan?
Jay: No there was another one who looked like Lucy Pinder.
Will: Course there was.

Jay: So I had one bent over the table here, there was one up here who I was fingering and I was just toe fucking the one on the floor.
Will: So when do we get to meet these lucky ladies?
Jay: You can't, they've gone back to the playboy mansion.

Neil: Jay was telling us about them birds he pulled in Norfolk.
Jays Dad: Oh right was he?
Jay: Yeah, you remember them, right dad?
Jays Dad: Well he's a total bullshitter then, cos the only pussy he's ever touched was his mums when he fell out of it.

Jay: When I say I'm gonna deliver, I fucking deliver.
Will: Like a postman with Tourettes?

Will: A few years ago i went to see King Kong at the cinema, now I'm on a date with her!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Simon: Its YOUR spunk!!
Neil: but it's YOUR car!
Simon: What...so if I spunked in your face it would be yours?

Will: No one would get fingered for a bet Jay... with the possible exception of your sister.
Jay: Take that back
Will: You're right I do take that back, on the other hand your mum would probably get fingered for a packet of biscuits.

Simon: You wet the bed when you were 10
Jay: Yeah I wet your mums bed...with my spunk

Jay: Have you had a wank over Will's mum?
Will: Please don't have a wank over my mum!
Neil: I can't pronmise that, Will.

Jay: While you've been at home wanking over Carly all summer... i've been out porkin' loads of vadge!

Will: Oh piss off
Neils Dad: dont talk to me like that in my own house!
Will: oh sorry, my manners, piss off PLEASE!!
Neils Dad: i've had enough of your lip
Will: oh you'd like my lip wouldnt you, right round your bell end! if Mr Chippy doesnt get there first! Whats he gunna knock up, a closet for you to hide in!? you BUMDER!!

Jay: Where've you been? Wankin' over your mum's bras?
Will: Well seeing as she's my mum, probably not
Jay: Well can I have them then?

Jays Dad: I know what you're up to, you think cos shes sooo massive, she'll count as 2 shags, well she doesnt!

Will: What you lookin at?
Jay: Your mum
Will: Doesnt look anything like my mum
Jay: But that is her snatch though!

Simon's mum: Just because Kevin's gay, doesn't mean he's a paedophile!
Kevin: I'm not a paedophile!

Neil: My Dad's not gay!
Jay: Well...let's look at the evidence...1) your mum left him because he loves! cock.

Simon's Dad: Your've had an eventful day bunking off school, buying alchol illegally, defacing carly's drive and insulting Neil's dad, have i missed anything?"
Will: We also hit a spastic with a frispy

Jay: I'm gonna go find that yummy mummy who wants me to spunk on her tummy.

Jay: You lot can stay here and finger Neil's arse but i'm off to find some clunge.

Neil: He rubbed my legs
Jay: That's what you get for leading on Peados you slut!

Jay: She's probably just got an old face, must be cos of all the jizz she's had on it

Old Lady: What can I get you?
Jay: Cornetto please
Old Lady: One cornetto, is that all?
Jay: Do you want to lick it?
Old Lady: Sorry?
Jay: My Cornetto, do you want to lick it?
Old Lady: Oh that is kind, I've had enough Ice Cream today though sweetheart
Jay: Oh right, bit late am I?
Old Lady: Do you want something else?
Jay: Are you the woman who sucks school boys off?
Old Lady: Sorry?
Jay: Can you suck me off?

Neil: Oh go on I love boats, I used to go fishing with my dad.
Jay: Fisting?
Neil: FISHING!

Neil: Just who is this Duke of Edinburgh, does he teach it?
Jay: No, of course he doesn't teach it you fucking idiot, the Duke of Edinburgh is Prince Charles.
Will: Umm, No he isn't, it's his dad
Neil: King Phillip?
Will: No, I mean, that IS the Duke of Edinburgh you're thinking of, but he's not the king
Neil: But he fucks the Queen though
Jay: Probably up the arse
Will: LOOK, do you wanna sign up or not?
Jay: You've gotta be fucking joking, there's no way i'm gonna get bummed by some royal bloke on a mountain
Neil: Yeah fuck it i'm in

Will: Your dad's moved out?
Simon: It's no biggie, they've not been getting on lately so he's moved out for a few weeks while they sort stuff out
Jay: What like her face? It's gonna take more than a few weeks to sort that mess out

Will: I went to fart and instead, shit myself

Simon: No-one brings a bag of shit to a pub
Jay: Your dad does
Simon: Does he?
Jay: Yeah, your mum

Will: Alright you big poof? Where's your bit then? I thought you'd be having it up to your nuts in guts
Jay: Nah, I had to er, I had to give her the boot
Will: Did you? I thought you were really into her
Jay: Nah, she was like frigid, and she wouldn't have this threesome even though I organised it with a top lezzer model, and (sobbing) my cock was too big for her

Jay: At least they wont call you briefcase mong anymore
Will: Oh well that's good
Jay: No, they'll call you shit pants mong
Neil: Or Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
Will: Any more?
Simon: Wayne Pooney, Take Shat
Neil: Dr Poo
Jay: The Lion the Witch and the speccy kid who shit himself
Simon: We can keep this up all summer you know
Will: Brilliant looking forward to it
Simon: Brad Shit
Jay: Bumlog Millionaire
Will: Alright!
Simon: How about Vladimir Pootin
Neil: Who?

Simon: I don't know if my dad will let me go anyway
Jay: What's it got to do with your dad?
Simon: He's paying for my car, he might not let me do long journeys yet
Jay: Surely he'll want you to get sucked off by a little lovely on the T-Cup ride

Will: This is perfect, Simon passes his test, drives us to Thorpe Park, Neil gets us freebies, and I get to ride...
Jay: A man's cock in the bushes
Will: ...The Nemesis Inferno!

Simon: Yeah well i'm the only one who can drive so you can fuck off!
Jay: I can drive, I took an army driving course when I was 10
Simon: Bollocks! You still wet the bed when you were 10
Jay: Yeah, I wet your mums bed, with my spunk

Jay: Fuck that! Look you lot can stay here and finger Neils arse if you wanna but i'm off to find the clunge.

Jay: I've just seen the clunge head towards Nemesis
Will: Well sounds like they are thrill seekers too
Jay: Oh I hope they are cock seekers too!

Jays Dad: "What's he gonna do with that, it's like a McDonalds chip"

Jay: I’d fuck her, right up the bum hole.
Will: Lucky girl.

Simon: Yeah, that’s right, I’ve had 210 wanks and my cocks like a pepperami!!

Neil: Are we gonna have to swim back?
Simon: It's very cold in there.
Jay: Just row back, on holiday in Spain one year me and my mate took a pedalo out and went to Africa.
Will: Do you think you can spare us the bullshit, for one minute, while I try to figure out how not to die at sea.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2012, 12:02:58 AM by jplpool »
I hope, I do not wait.

Does somebody torture you whilst force feeding you Chinese Democracy!?

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Catcher88

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #46 on: May 29, 2012, 10:01:28 AM »
^I just started the Inbetweeners and it's indeed really entertaining  :lol:! Not high class jokes but it sure works for me anyway :thumbsup:!


Another BBC show I really liked was Chef! Never seen a man insult you like Chef did :lol:!

The Second Coming

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #47 on: May 29, 2012, 12:00:47 PM »
Just recently went back and watched BBC's "Help" from 2005 staring Paul Whitehouse and Chris Langham. The show doesn't get much press since Langham's conviction for child pornography but personally I am a huge fan of his acting and comedic abilities and this was a pretty good show
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jplpool

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #48 on: June 05, 2012, 05:07:27 PM »
ITV have never aired many good comedies, but I've been getting my teeth into what is probably their best two: On The Buses, and Rising Damp.

 :bow:
I hope, I do not wait.

Does somebody torture you whilst force feeding you Chinese Democracy!?

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

jplpool

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #49 on: June 23, 2012, 12:18:10 AM »
I hope, I do not wait.

Does somebody torture you whilst force feeding you Chinese Democracy!?

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

The Second Coming

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #50 on: June 29, 2012, 08:38:02 PM »
Just caught Sky Atlantic's new Alan Partridge thing today. Amazing as always
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The Second Coming

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jplpool

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #52 on: June 30, 2012, 05:07:23 PM »
Just discovered a gem from ITV. Love Thy Neighbour  :bow:

The politically correct brigade would never let it be shown in this day and age

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpAYd8rJ8jg

I hope, I do not wait.

Does somebody torture you whilst force feeding you Chinese Democracy!?

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Faxl

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #53 on: June 30, 2012, 09:10:11 PM »
Seriously, Extras: if you've ever had a social 'Third Wheel' you'll love this -

http://youtu.be/vjF_kthYmow

And, Green Wing: PLEASE WATCH AND ENJOY

http://youtu.be/VBq7CTWz4jE

jplpool

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #54 on: June 30, 2012, 09:39:28 PM »
Seriously, Extras: if you've ever had a social 'Third Wheel' you'll love this -

http://youtu.be/vjF_kthYmow

And, Green Wing: PLEASE WATCH AND ENJOY

http://youtu.be/VBq7CTWz4jE

Extras is ace.  :bow:

Never watched The Green Wing.
I hope, I do not wait.

Does somebody torture you whilst force feeding you Chinese Democracy!?

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

The Second Coming

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #55 on: July 01, 2012, 07:31:46 PM »
Green Wing was great
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Catcher88

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #56 on: July 02, 2012, 01:46:54 PM »
Yeah, Extras was great. I've never been so embarassed in a good way!

jplpool

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #57 on: July 27, 2012, 05:48:38 PM »
July 10th

Quote
The BBC has today released further details about the upcoming fourth series of its hit satirical political comedy series The Thick Of It, which is returning to TV after a break of nearly three years.

The new series, which will consist of seven 30-minute episodes, will broadcast on BBC Two this autumn. Creator Armando Iannucci has hinted that it will be set against the backdrop of a major political inquiry - a reference to the real-life circumstances of the Leveson Inquiry into the press.

In a statement, the BBC said: "Government embarrassment, ministerial cock-up, coalition rows, backroom deals, policy U-turns, spin-doctoring, political back-stabbing, wild media speculation, and more time spent with one's family, it can only be the eagerly anticipated return of The Thick Of It."

As the last series was broadcast under Gordon Brown's Labour administration in the autumn of 2009, viewers can expect to see a number of changes. The characters of Nicola Murray MP and foul-mouthed spin doctor Malcolm Tucker, in roles reprised by the BAFTA winners Rebecca Front and Peter Capaldi respectively, are still in the show - but are now 'consigned to Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition'. Series 4 will see the duo desperately hoping for a return to power.

The show will also see the return of hapless civil servants Oliver Reeder (Chris Addison), Terri Coverley (Joanna Scanlan) and Glenn Cullen (James Smith) - the trio still struggling to keep the press from realising what a mess their department is behind-the-scenes.

In a set-up to closely mirror the UK's current real-life political scene, the series will also see a fictional coalition government in power. Peter Mannion (played by Roger Allam) is the new Secretary of State for The Department of Social Affairs and Citizenship (DOSAC), supported by his team of special advisors commanded by Number 10's Director of Communications Stewart Pearson (Vincent Franklin). Mannion will find many of his plans thwarted by his new coalition partner, DOSAC's Junior Minister Fergus Williams MP (Geoffrey Streatfeild).

Many of the other supporting characters are also set to reappear, with the cast list also including Will Smith, Ben Willbond and Miles Jupp.

The seven episodes are again a combination of scripted scenes and improvisation. The show's writing team for Series 4 includes Tony Roche, Simon Blackwell, Ian Martin, Will Smith, Roger Drew and Sean Gray.

Creator Armando Iannucci says: "This series takes The Thick Of It into exciting and uncharted territory: a new coalition Government, and Malcolm and Nicola fretting in the wings. For the first time too a storyline takes us all the way through the series right to the bitter, bitter end, with Government and Opposition convulsed in an incident that questions every political convention imaginable, but in a funny way."

BBC Two Controller Janice Hadlow comments: "I am delighted to welcome The Thick Of It back to BBC Two. It is an essential part of the BBC Two comedy offering this year. A new coalition Government, what better time for a new series of The Thick Of It."

Mark Freeland, the BBC's Head of Comedy, adds: "I'm excited to see The Thick Of It return to our screens. With an outstanding cast and team, it is still at the bleeding edge of British politics, one of the freshest and most biting satires you'll find on TV. No other show could coin the term 'Omnishambles' and see it become part of the political lexicon."

Scheduling details have not been announced, but the series is expected to begin transmission in September.
I hope, I do not wait.

Does somebody torture you whilst force feeding you Chinese Democracy!?

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

jplpool

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #58 on: July 27, 2012, 11:38:16 PM »
Watching Dads Army. Fucking brilliant! Arthur Lowe is a great actor.

We should all be grateful for Steptoe & Son, because that sitcom was the first British sitcom to use trained actors and really set the benchmark.
I hope, I do not wait.

Does somebody torture you whilst force feeding you Chinese Democracy!?

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

The Second Coming

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Re: British comedy.
« Reply #59 on: July 28, 2012, 02:34:23 PM »
Great news about the return of The Thick of It. Easily my favourite comedy. The two specials were about as close to perfect as TV comedy can get
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