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shadowsoul

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The Creative Writing Thread
« on: March 10, 2011, 02:13:35 AM »
Lessons of Love
(written by: shadowsoul)
March 08th, 2011

Slow, persistent pushing against mineself,
oh certainly the clanging links of change showed no weak link.
ringing and voices in my head met, by me, with an abundance of tart;
hysteria boiled up inside upon realizing i could not rid myself of that chain
(with its anchor firmly embedded; half in my dreams, half in my heart).

Could I prize myself from being so deaf upon these ears?
Throughout the first half extrication of it would not walk through my door,
but merely flash before my eye's within the distant figures i physically and eagerly shook hands with.
Each, obviously, a representation:
Roots were but a duty to transcend and so was friendship, really.
The anchor, tore into both as it was; no wonder i could not find strength to release!
So virulent seemed my dream to my heart;
desolution creeped in once i came to understand they were to each other.

I learned that’s what happens when the sail hands hold when there's release; something somewhere breaks.
Disrespect of the wind yields only perpetual hardships; come now, how else would those flags of yours be flying!?
Against each other those changing links tore, broke and clattered away, taking with it wood and railing.
This is what happens when a team has different horizons marked and compassed upon the map.

Change, wise and unyielding, walked with a slow clunk, clunk, clunk into the room and set it all too sombre.
Sitting in my drifting, damaged vessel i watched the sky sail the clouds on by.
Closed eye's and prayers with a whole lot of spite against the damage held me through.
Repair was made in a dramatic and most honestly-heartfelt manner;
Never again, i swore, to push against myself; this i would never do!

Up to the dock i had marked and compassed,
I walked across the planks to the fields of fruit yielding labour;
My dream of a garden where there would be time for growing, nurturing and feast.
Dirty nails, aching back and a freedom i couldn’t seem to immediately place.
In either loneliness or control, all I knew was that I could not grow the whole garden alone.

After sometime, and some vegetation had grown from my labours,
The finest maiden walked along my fence.
Answering to my request and joining me in the garden.
A glimmer in my eye's she said showed her something she'd been needing...
The experience of pushing against oneself and the lesson;
When you sail for your dreams, while your love sails for theirs
and yet you share the same vessel and refuse to accept this,
will you eventually be torn apart with damage left.
So choose and accept; never push against yourself.
What we saw we shared from it was a resolve to never repeat.
She had been dreaming of building the same garden as I

Now, under the colours of sky and sun we work together,
Merrily aiding and letting-to-be each other as is needed.
Teaching and feeding each other the fruits of our labour,
Truly now our freedom is one of peace and promise.
Being fully prized from deafness finally,
I realize from where the ringing and voices were coming; They were a warning!
It was the groan of the wood under the pressure; the knocking of the chain before breaking.
"Understanding and Acceptance are useless alone; triumphant together."

quote-shadowsoul, March 08th, 2011

Kittay

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2011, 11:10:17 PM »
Thank you for the poetry. Enjoyed reading it (twice) - brought back some memories of Carl Jung's works I've appreciated and reflections of things I'd figured out myself but didn't realize it until I noticed the absence of some useless psychic baggage and then basked in the relief.
Mansfield, MA 08/24/1988, Worcester, MA 12/05 and 12/06/1991, Hartford, CT 03/09/1993
Hartford, CT 11/19/2011, Worcester, MA 11/25/2011

Artemisia

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2011, 01:25:36 AM »
I read it fast cause im into a big mess now, but I'd like to post again later so that to give you the appropriate and more detailed comments about it.


abaraxas

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2011, 03:44:53 PM »
I just had to sever ties with my soulmate/girl Ive known for (lols)14 years/person I have occasion slept with sporadically over that time....this didnt help, but I thought Id just venture that.

I guess its the start of the rest of my life-fucked if I was going to spend the res of my life with her digging me up for open heart surgery every few years.

Humanary Stew

Artemisia

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2011, 05:35:53 PM »
Heartbreakingly beautiful Shadow  :mwa

Now, my impression about the overall work, is that there’s a flavor to guilt (specially because of the reference to being deaf). But also, to resignation. And that’s not bad at all, resignation is the first step to move on.
My favorite part are the two last verses, specially cause they seem to be the most positive ones. They make me believe there was a happy ending in contrast with the beginning.
I’m impressed about how fluently you write, I admire people who can write such long poems (cause I’m a person who cant write anything longer than 3 verses *cause I cant do it without making up a background tune, and I’m too concerned about making it rhyme. So in short I think I don’t write poems, I must be writing songs)
« Last Edit: March 13, 2011, 05:39:25 PM by Andy Rose »

shadowsoul

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2011, 09:58:54 PM »
you got it. the poem was about my life from April 2010-present. about how i saw the electrician course i was doing as a tool i could use to become more successful and give more happiness to myself and my then-current girlfriend (now my ex) than any of my friends or family would/could have in theirs. i was so busy in trying to become bigger, better and more successful than anyone else around me all the while saying i was doing it for them (and i had myself convinced i was doing it for everyone around me) that i didn't realize that i was indeed, in actuality, treating the people in my life with a slight bit of contempt. yeah, so thats how the guilt fits into the poem (the ankor being embedded, half in my dreams, half in my heart (which was saying that i was so set in my way that i was going to allow my dream to become a success as an electrician take the place of my love/heart) and then later my guilt is depicted in my inability to release the sails, which in turn tore the vessel (which was a metaphor for the emotional damage i recieved).

however, i do not feel it was all me. it seemed that my girlfriend at the time was only concerned of her interests and did not care what i wanted or had to do (she had a different destination than me). much disrespect was directed towards the course i was doing and where i had to go to work in the field, which is a big portion why i stayed my course... to prove i could do it.

anyway, in the end it talks about (which is the main theme) how its important to never push against yourself but instead accept and move on. chasing what you want while trying to hold on will only tear yourself apart.

...okay, well this is the best explanation/responce i can give.   if there's anything i haven't clarified about it then all i can say is that art is not meant to be 100% understood/explained.
"Understanding and Acceptance are useless alone; triumphant together."

quote-shadowsoul, March 08th, 2011

Artemisia

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2011, 10:06:51 PM »
you got it. the poem was about my life from April 2010-present. about how i saw the electrician course i was doing as a tool i could use to become more successful and give more happiness to myself and my then-current girlfriend (now my ex) than any of my friends or family would/could have in theirs. i was so busy in trying to become bigger, better and more successful than anyone else around me all the while saying i was doing it for them (and i had myself convinced i was doing it for everyone around me) that i didn't realize that i was indeed, in actuality, treating the people in my life with a slight bit of contempt. yeah, so thats how the guilt fits into the poem (the ankor being embedded, half in my dreams, half in my heart (which was saying that i was so set in my way that i was going to allow my dream to become a success as an electrician take the place of my love/heart) and then later my guilt is depicted in my inability to release the sails, which in turn tore the vessel (which was a metaphor for the emotional damage i recieved).

however, i do not feel it was all me. it seemed that my girlfriend at the time was only concerned of her interests and did not care what i wanted or had to do (she had a different destination than me). much disrespect was directed towards the course i was doing and where i had to go to work in the field, which is a big portion why i stayed my course... to prove i could do it.

anyway, in the end it talks about (which is the main theme) how its important to never push against yourself but instead accept and move on. chasing what you want while trying to hold on will only tear yourself apart.

...okay, well this is the best explanation/responce i can give.   if there's anything i haven't clarified about it then all i can say is that art is not meant to be 100% understood/explained.

and knowing all this makes the poem 100 times more beautiful! thanks for sharing

shadowsoul

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #7 on: March 13, 2011, 10:08:40 PM »
Discontent
(written by: shadowsoul)
February 10th, 2011

just spill like the alcohol over my lips,
words spewing forth like the acid reflux i induce upon myself.
this afternoon on the corner of the rooftops to my apartment building,
i saw a raven with the sunset lighting up the sky behind it.

the streets are a long-gone place that i have left far behind.
but for this i am happy.... for they are too lonely for me to bare any longer
(my youth's near entirety was of only them).
Also to mention, sky gazing is a passing in and out comfort now.

a world where we may cross boundaries and openly speak our mind,
but will always face stern adversity, always a battle.
many many people believe (which includes me more than half the time)
that it will certainly come from others; ... or ourselves.

still yet we rise to another day, searching for a way.
trying to right all our wrongs, eagerly anticipating recognition for our struggles
(and our intentions)....

... trouble is; when i toss bread out to those ravens so their hopping and
wing-fluttering for the pieces may take me away, i see conflict among them.
Its not an ugly thing, but a beautiful thing... their desire and strength to survive.
their willingness to fight.
it only unsettles me though...
"Understanding and Acceptance are useless alone; triumphant together."

quote-shadowsoul, March 08th, 2011

Artemisia

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #8 on: March 13, 2011, 10:54:16 PM »
wow. I dont mean to offend you, but I had never imagined you can write that way  :O (specially because of your young age). You also seem to be obsessed with death.

Artemisia

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #9 on: March 13, 2011, 10:58:52 PM »
umm...well, Im not going to post the material I'm most proud about cause I havent registered it yet and I'm planning to take them to publishers. But I'm willling to share the stories I had to write as an assigment for Uni, I have a couple which are fortunately written in English. (sorry if there're grammatical fuck ups, you know it's not my mother tongue language)


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Quote

The trap

It was a dark, cold night and the street was deathly silent. Since the midnight bus was delayed, I had plenty of time to gaze at the sky. The sparkling stars were somehow dimmed by the faraway city lights and the full moon was oddly dazzling.

  Suddenly, a cold feeling of fear gripped me: a middle-aged man, who had emerged from the shadows, was staggering towards me. I presumed he was drunk and he might hurt me, so I started to walk backwards. I watched him with increasing alarm – the more he approached me, the more my heart raced. Suddenly, my initial shock subsided as I realised that his right leg was bleeding. He slumped on the sidewalk just in front of me and gasped out for help. Even though I was puzzled, I cautiously trudged towards him. Immediately, I asked him what had happened and who he was but he seemed too exhausted to speak. I took off his jacket and a red stain on his t-shirt revealed that his state was worse than what I had imagined.

  I took his soiled jacket and searched for a cell phone or at least some kind of identification, but all I could extract from its pocket was a gun. I was still gaping in disbelief at the gleam of the weapon when a police patrol arrived.
 
  It had obviously been a clean job: the murderer had been smart enough to avoid leaving fingerprints and had put the weapon into the victim’s jacket. He’d been astute enough to manipulate the evidence against the only suspect: myself. I had fallen into the trap.

Andrea.
« Last Edit: March 13, 2011, 11:13:00 PM by Andy Rose »

mothergoose

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #10 on: March 13, 2011, 11:13:27 PM »
.
« Last Edit: October 29, 2015, 04:13:08 PM by NewGNRnOldGNR »

Artemisia

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #11 on: March 14, 2011, 11:44:46 AM »
I think it would be safer for everyone if before posting anything else they uploaded their workds here:

http://www.safecreative.org/?wicket:interface=:0:1:::

it's a website where you can copyright your works for free.

shadowsoul

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #12 on: March 14, 2011, 03:18:59 PM »
wow Andy, thats very good description. a sense of danger or doom is felt when you start backing away and the end doesn't dissapoint. its very good.

NewgnrOldgnr, i remember seeing some stuff posted by you but then it was gone. i was worried about copyrighting too. but then i made two decisions:

1) i decided to only post poems i write up then and there. i will not post anything from my book. this way, i know it wont cause conflict when i attempt to publish.

2) if my writing never see's the light of day... then whats the point? really a true artist doesn't want recognition for their work; just for it to be out there.

its too bad your works are not up now. i would have loved to read them. this is the first chance ive had to be on the forum since last time i posted (discontent).
« Last Edit: March 14, 2011, 03:22:06 PM by shadowsoul »
"Understanding and Acceptance are useless alone; triumphant together."

quote-shadowsoul, March 08th, 2011

Sir Francis

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #13 on: March 14, 2011, 05:04:29 PM »
These tired eyes can barely see the writing on the wall... .
This cliff lies right in front of me...  will you catch me if I fall....
All these mistakes I made ,are tattooed apon  my sleve....
I'll take them to my grave... with all the pain inside of me.....

These blistered hands of mine...graps apon this burning rope...
Slowly run out of time... . Eyes they burn from all this smoke....
If you were to look insi- ide ... you would see I have lost all hope...
Left with just foolish pride... . I slip as I slowly start to choke...

Build my world up just to knock it down....

Cannot push aside the questions why things got so fucked up over time...
As I look back I am attacked by these regrets that took my life,
So here I am this broken man who s parilized himself again
there's nothing left 'cept this last breath emptiness is my dearest friend
throw up my arms and close my eyes until I slowly realize
all that is real is the pain I feel everything else is just a lie...

These tear stained eyes no longer see...
These Iron lungs no longer breathe ...
this hollow soul no longer cares...
this broken heart no longer dares... ...

M.F.M.
"I won't be told anymore...."
AKA/ artist formally known as Murph

shadowsoul

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Re: The Creative Writing Thread
« Reply #14 on: March 14, 2011, 05:13:14 PM »
my god that is good.  so very tired of trying. never really clued in to know where and how to start. the rhyme is really sound. solid work!  :thumbsup:
"Understanding and Acceptance are useless alone; triumphant together."

quote-shadowsoul, March 08th, 2011