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Author Topic: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste  (Read 20072 times)

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DJ Axl

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #195 on: August 05, 2010, 02:52:36 PM »
A little girl observes at the beach something between a little boy’s legs and goes to her mother asking:
- Mammy, why don’t I have that between my legs?
- Patience darling, patience!
Im pretty sure WTTJ wears a safety helmet when hes on the internets. :nod:

DJ Axl

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #196 on: August 05, 2010, 02:58:43 PM »
Jesus comes back from Heaven and goes to Israel. He sees a kid and tells him:
- Son, I’ve come back from Heaven to your salvation.
The boy screams to his father:
- Daddy, daddy, bring the cross and nails because this guy come back.
Im pretty sure WTTJ wears a safety helmet when hes on the internets. :nod:

Max_Power

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #197 on: August 05, 2010, 03:36:03 PM »
When I'm bored, I like to switch the baby monitors on and make pretend crying noises into the one upstairs.

My wife's never seen the funny side though, especially since the baby died of cot death

oh dear god, i laughed so hard i got a nosebleed
Mathematical.

ronws

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #198 on: August 13, 2010, 02:50:32 AM »
I had a boss who once described having run over a cat, twice, with his car. A co-worker asked him "Why twice?"

"Well," our boss replied. "I had to back up, right?"
"Don't put the bodies in the wishing well ..." - Janie Lane (RIP)

jplpool

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #199 on: August 13, 2010, 10:47:37 AM »
Breaking news.....There has been one survivor of the Pakistani floods,his name is Mustafa Dinghy.

When they found him,he was singing 'rain drops keep falling on Ahmed'

I hope, I do not wait.

Does somebody torture you whilst force feeding you Chinese Democracy!?

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

ronws

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #200 on: August 15, 2010, 02:32:45 AM »
An angel visited the Virgin Mary and told her she was pregnant. She expressed fear. He said don't worry. That sounds a lot like rape, i.e., sex without consent. And a male angel saying it will be alright. Ironically, that story is in the Bible.

Or the story of Elisha. A bald man in his . 40 children (in the hebrew tradition, people under the age of 13 or menarche are children) think his bald is funny and laugh. He curses them and God sends to she-bears to tear those 40 children to pieces. Crap, that's in the Bible, too.

Onan's brother passed away and had no male heir to inherit his fortune. In the Hebrew tradition, like muslims, only males can inherit. So, God commands Onan to impregnate his sister-in-law so that a male heir may inherit his brother's share of the fortune. Onan is in the tent, about to do the deed when he realizes that he his about fuck away a fortune. So, he goes outside and spills his "seed" on the ground. Contrary to popular american myth surrounding masturbation, he does not go blind. Instead, God strikes him dead where he stands.

Also, according to hebrew tradition found in the Bible, menstruating women must be separated from the camp at large and live in separate tents while they are on their cycle, as they are considered "unclean." All these rules from the God who created them and their menstrual cycle.
"Don't put the bodies in the wishing well ..." - Janie Lane (RIP)

abaraxas

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #201 on: August 15, 2010, 10:31:02 AM »
Fuck yeah God is awesome dudes!!  :rockon: :rockon:

I love the way he creates us and then punishes us for doing stuff that he created us to do  :thumbsup:

I mean, its almost like the Bible is like, not real!!!
Humanary Stew

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #202 on: August 15, 2010, 12:30:01 PM »
 :laugh2:
I\'m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don\'t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

abaraxas

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #203 on: August 15, 2010, 12:33:54 PM »
Two flies are on a piece of shit when one rips a fart.
The other fly says " Hey! Do you mind? Im trying to eat here! "
Humanary Stew

Max_Power

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #204 on: August 15, 2010, 02:20:12 PM »
An angel visited the Virgin Mary and told her she was pregnant. She expressed fear. He said don't worry. That sounds a lot like rape, i.e., sex without consent. And a male angel saying it will be alright. Ironically, that story is in the Bible.

Or the story of Elisha. A bald man in his . 40 children (in the hebrew tradition, people under the age of 13 or menarche are children) think his bald is funny and laugh. He curses them and God sends to she-bears to tear those 40 children to pieces. Crap, that's in the Bible, too.

Onan's brother passed away and had no male heir to inherit his fortune. In the Hebrew tradition, like muslims, only males can inherit. So, God commands Onan to impregnate his sister-in-law so that a male heir may inherit his brother's share of the fortune. Onan is in the tent, about to do the deed when he realizes that he his about fuck away a fortune. So, he goes outside and spills his "seed" on the ground. Contrary to popular american myth surrounding masturbation, he does not go blind. Instead, God strikes him dead where he stands.

Also, according to hebrew tradition found in the Bible, menstruating women must be separated from the camp at large and live in separate tents while they are on their cycle, as they are considered "unclean." All these rules from the God who created them and their menstrual cycle.

That's what we need, an angry, punishing god who makes us fear him every waking moment of our lives. not that new age jesusy crap, this god's got balls
Mathematical.

Max_Power

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #205 on: August 16, 2010, 03:24:21 AM »
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?

Christopher Reeves.

Enjoy puking up a little in your mouth from the sheer distaste of that joke
Mathematical.

abaraxas

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #206 on: August 16, 2010, 07:43:18 AM »
Well, when Reeves was still alive a favourite of mine was...

Why didnt Superman save the World Trade Centre?

Because hes a cripple!!!

Humanary Stew

Max_Power

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #207 on: August 16, 2010, 01:43:24 PM »
 :lol:
Mathematical.

abaraxas

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #208 on: August 17, 2010, 07:28:07 AM »
And then Id go "whats this?" and sit down in a chair, roll the imaginary wheels on the side a bit and stick my arms out in front of me. Then Id go "SUPERMAN V!!!"  :lol:
Humanary Stew

Max_Power

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Re: The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste
« Reply #209 on: August 17, 2010, 02:50:07 PM »
 :lol:

There's nothing funnier than making fun of a cripple because they can't hit back. That and well Reeves is dead
Mathematical.