The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste

[ronws]

First, some history. Singer Mama Cass of the Mamas and the Papas died of heart failure due to a congenital defect. But the rumor was that she had choked on a sandwich, which was false. Second, singer Karen Carpenter died due to heart failure as complications of her anorexia. Mama Cass' obesity was due to metabolism problems due to her heart condition. She actually ate small amounts of healthy food.

So, the joke goes, if Karen Carpenter had eaten the sandwich that Mama Cass choked on, they would both still be alive, today.

[The Second Coming]

You know, it really pisses me off how everyone makes a big deal about Maddie Mccann disappearing when hundreds of kids go missing everyday. I don't understand what was so special about her.

She wasn't even that good of a fuck.

[abaraxas]

 

 

[ronws]

Jeff Foxworthy's use of the word "sensuous" in a sentence.

"Hey, honey, sensuous was up, get me a beer."

[explosivo1991]

 

[The Second Coming]

A policeman knocked on my door last night.

He said "I've just had a sexual complaint from your daughter".

I said "Well, you are clearly doing something wrong, try 2 fingers up her ass".

[Max_Power]

 

[ronws]

Joseph was getting married one day and he was oversleeping. His dad woke him up and said, "Son, you better get a move on and get dressed. Your wedding is in two hours."

"Dad," he said. "I'm not sure I can marry Betty Sue."

"Why is that son?" replied the father.

"I found she's a virgin. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for mine."

[ronws]

Billy Bob was out walking his cow near the property line to the neighbors. Along came Betty Sue, walking her bull. Betty Sue looked great in some cut-off jeans that were nearly just rags and two bandannas serving has a halter top. Soon enough, Betty Sue's bull jumps the fence and starts mating with Billy Bob's cow.

Billy Bob says, "Look at your bull going for it with my cow."

"Yep," she says.

"Looks like fun," he said.

"Yep," she replied.

Billy Bob, wishing he could gain the affections of Betty Sue, said, "I sure wish I could be doing that."

Betty Sue replies, "Go ahead. She's your cow."

[ronws]

You know what a stump-trained cow is?

You jump up on a stump and she backs right up to you.

[The Second Coming]

I found the body of a complete stranger in my back garden the other day.
Well, he wasn't a complete stranger; his arms had been cut off.

[The Second Coming]

Cost of a candle lit dinner for 2: £80

Cost for theatre show tickets: £65

Cab fair home: £30

The look on his face when you tell him your on your period: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy. For Everything else, theres Anal.

[The Second Coming]

If God is in all places at all times, that means he's constantly hanging around in gay bars.

Filthy bastard.

[ronws]

I used to feel bad because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet. So, I asked him, "I don't suppose you've got a pair of shoes laying that your not using?"

[The Second Coming]

One of my friends just had a kid with a black guy.
Apparently it was inappropriate to put the birth photos on ratemypoo.com.