The Second Coming's Thread of Distaste

[The Second Coming]

It really annoys me when 10 year old kids on Facebook change their relationship status to "Married".

If they really wanted years of pain and misery then they should just accept my candy.

[jplpool]

How is knocking your girlfriend up like locking yourself out of your car?

The probem goes away with a coathanger.

[The Second Coming]

Three kids were up late in their tree-house chatting.

The first kid says, "Last night, Daddy made me touch his snake!"

The second kid says, "That's nothing, last night, Daddy made me kiss his snake!"

The last kid sighs and says, "I wish my dad was a reptile enthusiast. He just fucks me in the arse."

[B.I.T.C.H]

Who was the greatest Jewish cook in history?
Hitler

[The Second Coming]

I phoned the council today and told them about me raping a ginger lass last night and then he said

" Don't you think you should be confessing this to the police instead of the council?"

"fuck off you cunt! I want you to fix the street lights in the park!"

[The Second Coming]

I said to my wife; "You're like an animal in bed."

"Why?" She replied, "Is it because I'm fast and aggressive?"

"No" I said, "those stretch marks make you look like a fucking Zebra."

[B.I.T.C.H]

What do Muslim men do during foreplay?
Tickle the goat under the chin.

[GnR587]

Three kids were up late in their tree-house chatting.

The first kid says, "Last night, Daddy made me touch his snake!"

The second kid says, "That's nothing, last night, Daddy made me kiss his snake!"

The last kid sighs and says, "I wish my dad was a reptile enthusiast. He just fucks me in the arse."

[The Second Coming]

I'm a border-line racist.

I only want white people to come through it.

[B.I.T.C.H]

[The Second Coming]

Just bought Cluedo: Gang Rape edition.

Turns out they all did it.

[B.I.T.C.H]

What is the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

[The Second Coming]

I bought my son a puppy for Christmas, but I've just accidentally killed him with my car as I reversed onto the drive.

Oh well, I'll have to look after the puppy myself now.

[slashthe2nd]

A 6 year old kid comes home from school and sits down on the couch next 2 his dad,
the dad asks how his first day of school went. The kid replied,
good, but all the kids kept talking about a vagina, and Im not sure what that is.
The dad told the kid the vagina is a beautiful thing before sex it looks like a beautiful rose in bloom,
the kid asked well what does it looks like after sex the dad proceeded to tell him,
well son, have ever seen a bulldog eat mayonaise

[slashthe2nd]

A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the deep, dark woods. The little boy says
Mister, Iam scared These woods are really creepy.
The pedophile replies, How do you think I feel I have to walk back all by myself.