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Author Topic: Poetry Thread  (Read 11458 times)

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Modzilla

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #30 on: February 27, 2010, 11:35:25 AM »
I like "Calendar".... (from your first suggestion)...alot and may go with that... I am gonna see if anyone else responds .... did you like the song/poem?what did you think of it?

Hmm... I actually thought about suggesting that, but I'm not a big fan of one or two word titles.  I did like it, it develops a nice rhythm when I read it, though I'm not very good at envisioning poems as songs without music.  I'm much more literary than musical, despite my various attempts to change that in some way.  A bit straight forward to me, but that seems to be your style.  To just put it out there.
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Sir Francis

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #31 on: February 27, 2010, 12:47:27 PM »
Hmm... I actually thought about suggesting that, but I'm not a big fan of one or two word titles.  I did like it, it develops a nice rhythm when I read it, though I'm not very good at envisioning poems as songs without music.  I'm much more literary than musical, despite my various attempts to change that in some way.  A bit straight forward to me, but that seems to be your style.  To just put it out there.
I sometimes write  to where the meaning are hidden or have 2-3 different meanings ... thats when I use my head to write (then I play on words more ) ... the other times when I am more strait forward... Thats when I use my heart(feelings,hurt, emotions, happiness) to write.

it is funny how you said "I'm not very good at envisioning poems as songs without music'" because with this one I tried to emphasize where it speeds up and slows down more then I have with other poems I posted here... In fact ..I wrote this poem/song in this thread..( when the majority of the poems and songs I posted have been written months to years ago ...with one other exception) it doesn't take long for me to come up with a "piece" ..it took around an hour and fifteen minutes to write this one... thank you Modzilla for your feedback.
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Modzilla

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #32 on: February 27, 2010, 01:05:44 PM »
I sometimes write  to where the meaning are hidden or have 2-3 different meanings ... thats when I use my head to write (then I play on words more ) ... the other times when I am more strait forward... Thats when I use my heart(feelings,hurt, emotions, happiness) to write.

it is funny how you said "I'm not very good at envisioning poems as songs without music'" because with this one I tried to emphasize where it speeds up and slows down more then I have with other poems I posted here... In fact ..I wrote this poem/song in this thread..( when the majority of the poems and songs I posted have been written months to years ago ...with one other exception) it doesn't take long for me to come up with a "piece" ..it took around an hour and fifteen minutes to write this one... thank you Modzilla for your feedback.

I try not to say too much directly, in my writings, with the reader taking all of the meaning from it, leaving it open to interpretation.  I also love metaphors.  I don't know why, I just can't pass up a great metaphor.  I also make hundreds of references in some pieces.  It's all style, really.  You portray emotion quite well, something I struggle with, as most of what I do is impersonal, euphoric (manic), or terribly depressed.  I don't do all that well at mixing or making more rounded characters, especially in short works.  Where as you're able to show people who are affected by external ongoings.

I picked up the speeding up and slowing down, with regards to the rhythm, I can feel that as I read, but it's like, I couldn't give it a musical interpretation.  I don't see notes or even time signature.  I can't translate it in my head.  But I guess that is all in how one perceives it, and even if I did assume that stuff, it could be quite different from your version.  You're welcome :thumbsup:.
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In full support of Guns N' Roses, come hell or high water. ~ La Familia =)

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Sir Francis

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #33 on: February 27, 2010, 01:39:15 PM »
I try not to say too much directly, in my writings, with the reader taking all of the meaning from it, leaving it open to interpretation.  I also love metaphors.  I don't know why, I just can't pass up a great metaphor.  I also make hundreds of references in some pieces.  It's all style, really.  You portray emotion quite well, something I struggle with, as most of what I do is impersonal, euphoric (manic), or terribly depressed.  I don't do all that well at mixing or making more rounded characters, especially in short works.  Where as you're able to show people who are affected by external ongoings.

I picked up the speeding up and slowing down, with regards to the rhythm, I can feel that as I read, but it's like, I couldn't give it a musical interpretation.  I don't see notes or even time signature.  I can't translate it in my head.  But I guess that is all in how one perceives it, and even if I did assume that stuff, it could be quite different from your version.  You're welcome :thumbsup:.
I had a general idea while writing it how it should go...then again I also went in a few different directions with it then I originally  planned ... I write with more of a "sence of music"with a guitar under my arm .. tonight/last night it was a keyboard .. I wanted to see if I could "write on command"

Not being sarcastic or anything of the sort.... I will write using " my head " to show my metaphoric & "play on words" abilities and I will post it the next time I get online.....so WATCH OUT FOR THAT!! :nod:
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Modzilla

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #34 on: February 27, 2010, 01:54:16 PM »
I had a general idea while writing it how it should go...then again I also went in a few different directions with it then I originally  planned ... I write with more of a "sence of music"with a guitar under my arm .. tonight/last night it was a keyboard .. I wanted to see if I could "write on command"

Not being sarcastic or anything of the sort.... I will write using " my head " to show my metaphoric & "play on words" abilities and I will post it the next time I get online.....so WATCH OUT FOR THAT!! :nod:

:thumbsup:

I look forward to it =).
"Forgive them that fuck up my show, and bless them that they might grow old"

In full support of Guns N' Roses, come hell or high water. ~ La Familia =)

The Man...The Myth... the Murph!!!

Sir Francis

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #35 on: February 27, 2010, 04:33:30 PM »
Game



If a picture says a thousand words, I would sum yours up with none..

for it has left me speechless, overwhelmed,  paralyzed and stunned.

we all have photographic memories,some just don't have film..

as most our friends are enemies, for what others won't they will.

I go against the grain, since the reward will hold more weight,

for going with the flow will never show who's truly great.

I'll swallow my pride with a grain of salt, then chew on thoughts about...

how sweet it is to speak the truth that leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

I found my way as I lost my mind, it's astounding none the less,

the less we have the more we gain as some become obsessed.

so life's a game without directions, we learn rules as we grow,

some will cheat to avoid defeat...some go with the flow.

others find secret ladders and pass us all with ease,

as some will build hotels and houses and feed upon their greed.

some will use their wisdom while others use their hands,

others roll the dice and let the cards  lay where they land.

some they have raw talent and become famous overnight,

others start with everything,while others have to fight.

some are less fortunate who fail every other day,

yet those honest go the farthest..guess turn about's fair play

I am nowhere in between the privileged and the damned,

since I play the game by my own rules...it makes me who I am.


M.Murphy
2-27-2010



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Modzilla

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #36 on: February 27, 2010, 09:30:54 PM »
I think you've sold yourself short here, I'm a big fan of this style of writing.  This one is very good.  Some of the lines have a few too many garbage words (ie the, a, with, for, et cetera), but otherwise very good.  I'm usually not a fan of rhyming, especially not couplets, but it works here.  I didn't get too caught up on any of them.  Usually they break the flow for me.  And I like the message.  Sometimes I'm my own person gets a bit cliche, but this feels fresh to me :thumbsup:.
"Forgive them that fuck up my show, and bless them that they might grow old"

In full support of Guns N' Roses, come hell or high water. ~ La Familia =)

The Man...The Myth... the Murph!!!

Sir Francis

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #37 on: February 27, 2010, 10:36:52 PM »
I think you've sold yourself short here, I'm a big fan of this style of writing.  This one is very good.  Some of the lines have a few too many garbage words (ie the, a, with, for, et cetera), but otherwise very good.  I'm usually not a fan of rhyming, especially not couplets, but it works here.  I didn't get too caught up on any of them.  Usually they break the flow for me.  And I like the message.  Sometimes I'm my own person gets a bit cliche, but this feels fresh to me :thumbsup:.
:mwa Thank you  :D
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Modzilla

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #38 on: February 27, 2010, 11:15:32 PM »
"Forgive them that fuck up my show, and bless them that they might grow old"

In full support of Guns N' Roses, come hell or high water. ~ La Familia =)

The Man...The Myth... the Murph!!!

Sir Francis

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #39 on: February 28, 2010, 11:47:32 PM »
well... I decided to go with the title ***Calendar***

thank you Modzilla  :mwa
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Modzilla

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #40 on: March 01, 2010, 12:43:22 AM »
well... I decided to go with the title ***Calendar***

thank you Modzilla  :mwa

you're welcome :mwa

'Tis a good name =).
"Forgive them that fuck up my show, and bless them that they might grow old"

In full support of Guns N' Roses, come hell or high water. ~ La Familia =)

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wyldechild

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #41 on: March 01, 2010, 07:25:28 PM »
ode to emo?


 :tongue: :tongue: :tongue:
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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #42 on: March 01, 2010, 07:45:59 PM »
Soaring Bird

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As soon as i i look in the sky
it craps in my eye……
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Worchild

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #43 on: March 01, 2010, 07:49:59 PM »
Soaring Bird

A bird soaring high and high in the sky
As soon as i i look in the sky
it craps in my eye……
:lol: :lol: :lol:


A dog that shits on the ground
As soon as i take a step
I stand in the shit......
W.

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Re: Poetry Thread
« Reply #44 on: March 01, 2010, 08:57:45 PM »
If you want this to be the Poetry Thread then it should actually include way more posts. There are a lot of threads that should be merged with this one. Just saying. :coffee

And maybe you two should leave it for people who take writing seriously.
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