I sometimes write to where the meaning are hidden or have 2-3 different meanings ... thats when I use my head to write (then I play on words more ) ... the other times when I am more strait forward... Thats when I use my heart(feelings,hurt, emotions, happiness) to write.
it is funny how you said "I'm not very good at envisioning poems as songs without music'" because with this one I tried to emphasize where it speeds up and slows down more then I have with other poems I posted here... In fact ..I wrote this poem/song in this thread..( when the majority of the poems and songs I posted have been written months to years ago ...with one other exception) it doesn't take long for me to come up with a "piece" ..it took around an hour and fifteen minutes to write this one... thank you Modzilla for your feedback.
I try not to say too much directly, in my writings, with the reader taking all of the meaning from it, leaving it open to interpretation. I also love metaphors. I don't know why, I just can't pass up a great metaphor. I also make hundreds of references in some pieces. It's all style, really. You portray emotion quite well, something I struggle with, as most of what I do is impersonal, euphoric (manic), or terribly depressed. I don't do all that well at mixing or making more rounded characters, especially in short works. Where as you're able to show people who are affected by external ongoings.
I picked up the speeding up and slowing down, with regards to the rhythm, I can feel that as I read, but it's like, I couldn't give it a musical interpretation. I don't see notes or even time signature. I can't translate it in my head. But I guess that is all in how one perceives it, and even if I did assume that stuff, it could be quite different from your version. You're welcome