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Author Topic: it's joke time  (Read 5708 times)

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B.I.T.C.H

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Re: it's joke time
« Reply #75 on: February 01, 2012, 09:51:11 AM »
Rules For Finding A Man:

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, cooks and cleans, and helps care for the kids, and who makes money.

2. It is important to find a man who loves to spend money on you, and show you a good time.

3. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.

4. It is important that these three men never meet.
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axlduffslashizzysteve

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Re: it's joke time
« Reply #76 on: February 01, 2012, 11:48:54 AM »
Q: What is red and invisible?
A: No tomatoes.

Q: What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot

Q: What's the difference between a dead hooker and a Ferrari?
A: I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
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B.I.T.C.H

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Re: it's joke time
« Reply #77 on: February 13, 2012, 01:49:53 PM »
"Hello. My name is John B. A bottle of vodka, please."
"Here you are," says the shopkeeper. "But why do you introduce yourself?"
"Because I'm not an anonymous alcoholic"

An exploration ship stays motionless in the middle of the sea for months. The crew is bored and starts drinking. The captain decides to put an end to that habit and orders:
"From tomorrow vodka is thrown out of board."
Dead silence follows but someone in the rear says:
"It was up time"
The pissed off crew bursts out:
"Fucken divers, who the fuck told you to open your traps?"
 
« Last Edit: February 13, 2012, 01:51:44 PM by B.I.T.C.H »
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B.I.T.C.H

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Re: it's joke time
« Reply #78 on: February 21, 2012, 09:40:35 AM »
"Do you have a Facebook account?"
"Yes."
"Youtube?"
"Certainly!"
"Do you have Vbox7?"
"Of course!"
"And do you have a life?!?!"
"OMG, no! Give me a link!"
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rams71

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Re: it's joke time
« Reply #79 on: March 15, 2012, 10:32:41 PM »
As I sat there with my trousers around my ankles, cock in hand and the laptop balancing on my knees, I looked up at the shop assistant and said, "Yeah, this Dell is perfect, I'll take it."
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when all is said and done
we're not the only ones
who look at life this way

Catcher88

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Re: it's joke time
« Reply #80 on: March 18, 2012, 10:11:54 PM »
I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you.She said "is that you or the beer talking?".....
I replied "it's me talking to the beer."
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If an album comes out, then buy it. If there's a concert you can go to, then go to it. You're not owed another record. You're not owed any inside stories. You're not owed the band to be managed by people you approve. It's just electronically recorded vibrations that you happen to like.

Spiritinthesky

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Re: it's joke time
« Reply #81 on: March 31, 2012, 07:27:46 AM »
During their  divorce case, the judge mentioned that Heather Mills was unstable. Sir Paul McCartney told the court that a beer mat under the left leg usually did the trick.
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